A little humor to weather the dog days
By BROOKS TAYLOR
Mt. Pleasant News
We Iowans know all about cabin fever because we suffer from it every February. We also know about the dog days of summer because this is about the time of the year when we have had enough heat and humidity.
This summer we have overdosed on heat and humidity. According to the official weather statistics for Mt. Pleasant, the average daily high temperature in July was 89.2 degrees. The official mark may have been nudging 90 had it not been for a high of 78 on July 14. I can’t remember a day that cool in July, but stats don’t lie. If you are scratching your head, too, it was the Thursday of the Henry County Fair. On 14 days in July, the official high was 90 or above, topping out at 99 on July 20 and dipping to 97 the next day.
The stretch between July 18-29 was particularly brutal. Only once during those 11 days did the thermometer fail to reach 90. There was an 87 recorded on July 25.
Precipitation in July was a paltry 1.59 inches with 1.05 of that total coming on July 27. That means we had .54 inches in the remaining 30 days.
I also heard the other night that July may go down as the most humid July on record in Iowa. Refreshing news, to say the least.
Because we are now in the dog days, tired of the heat and humidity and getting a little bitey, the following humor should put a smile on your face. It is a story about a coyote and the moral of the story is at the end.
CALIFORNIA — The governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the governor’s dog, the bites the governor.
The governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie “Bambi” and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural.
He calls animal control. Animal control captures the coyote and bills the state $200 for disease tests and $500 for relocating it.
The governor calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the state $200 for disease tests.
Then, the governor goes to the hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and on getting his bite wound bandaged.
Later the running trail is shut down for six months while California Fish and Game conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is now free of dangerous animals.
Another $50,000 in state funds is authorized by the governor to implement a “coyote awareness program” for residents of the area.
California’s State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the world.
The governor’s security agent is fired for not stopping the attack. The state spends $150,000 to hire and train a new agent with additional special training re: the nature of coyotes.
PETA protests the coyote’s relocation and files a $5 million lawsuit against the state.
TEXAS — The governor of Texas is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks his dog.
The governor shoots the coyote with his state-issued pistol and keeps jogging. The governor has spent 50 cents on a .45 ACP hollow-point cartridge.
Buzzards eat the dead coyote.
Moral of the story: This is why California is broke and Texas is not.