A view of mother through the eyes of a second grader
By BROOKS TAYLOR
Mt. Pleasant News
Oops, ‘tis column time and I am not ready. In a former life, I had no problems with sitting down on a Sunday night and writing whatever came into my head (my columns ran Monday at a former newspaper).
Age, however, has a way of slowing down the process (and speeding up others) and more preparation is needed now. With a number of other things going on, the column thing didn’t even make the back burner this week so I am in a borrowing mood.
What follows is something you may have read before, but a re-read will provide a few chuckles. This stuff never gets old. It was given to me by a co-worker and is entitled “Why God Made Mothers,” or thoughts from second-grade students on the topic. The questions are followed by the students’ responses.
Why did God Make Mothers?
• She’s the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
• Mostly to clean the house.
• To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
• He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
• Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
• God made my mom just the same like He made me. He just used bigger parts.
What ingredients are mothers made of?
• God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
• They had to get their start from men’s bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.
Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
• We’re related.
• God knew she likes me a lot more than other people’s moms like me.
What kind of a little girl was your mom?
• My mom and has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
• I don’t know because I wasn’t there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
• They say she used to be nice.
What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
• His last name.
• She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
• Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say no to drugs and yes to chores?
Why did your mom marry your dad?
• My dad makes the best spaghetti.
• She got too old to do anything else with him.
• My grandma said that mom didn’t have her thinking cap on.
Who’s the boss at your house?
• Mom doesn’t want to be boss, but she has to because dad’s such a goof ball.
• Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
• I guess mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.
What’s the difference between moms and dads?
• Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
• Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
• Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power ‘cause that’s who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend’s.
• Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.
What does your mom do in her spare time?
• Mothers don’t do spare time.
• To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
What would it take to make your mom perfect?
• On the inside she’s already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
• Diet. You know her hair. I’d diet, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
• She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I’d get rid of that.
• I’d make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it not me.
• I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.