Bride’s rebound wedding should be small and subdued
DEAR ABBY: My 26-year-old daughter was married last year, but four months after the wedding her husband was arrested for child molestation that had occurred years before. She filed for divorce immediately.
In the meantime, she has met someone and is now pregnant. They want to be married as soon as her divorce is final. My question is, what kind of ceremony would be appropriate in this case, especially since her father and I are church pastors in a small town? — SMALL-TOWN WEDDING
DEAR SMALL TOWN: If your daughter had written to me, I would have advised her not to rush into another marriage so quickly, and that if she hasn’t already done so, she should seek some counseling because of what she has been through.
However, because she and the father of her baby are determined to tie the knot as soon as possible, their ceremony should be low-key, with a few close friends and family attending. The ceremony could be either a religious one or a civil one, depending upon their preference. I hope their union will be a happy and successful one.
DEAR ABBY: At what age should parents stop worrying about you? I am 41 years old, but in my parents’ eyes I am still a child.
I am an independent woman and feel like I am not living the life I deserve, and I don’t think it’s fair. I do everything by myself, and I want them to know that if something happens to them, I’ll be fine, and they should stop worrying. Am I wrong to feel this way? — DEBORAH IN OHIO
DEAR DEBORAH: You are not wrong. However, your parents may be clinging to you not because they are worried about what will happen to you if something happens to THEM. They may be clingy because they are worried about what will happen to THEM if something happens to YOU.
DEAR ABBY: My husband of eight years had an affair with an old girlfriend who is also married. I have spent the last nine months trying to forgive him, but he keeps breaking my heart because he can’t seem to get over her.
First he was sending her emails, then trying to call her because he felt so guilty over the affair and “needed someone to talk to.” Next, he went over to her house to see her. I know he loves me, but I know without a doubt he loves her, too. I’m expecting and due in the short-term, and I don’t know how to heal.
The last time they talked — about a month ago — he told her she had ruined his life and he never wanted to see or think about her again. But I know he still searches her profile on Facebook every day and I know she blocked him, so he must be going nuts because he can’t see her and her kids’ pictures. I haven’t confronted him about this yet, but feel I need to. Please help me. — BROKENHEARTED IN BUFFALO
DEAR BROKENHEARTED: The old girlfriend seems to be doing her part to end the affair. Whether your husband is “going nuts” because he can’t see her on Facebook is HIS problem, so please don’t make it yours.
Bide your time, have your baby, and then when you’re strong enough, DO confront him. Insist on marriage counseling for both of you. You need to understand why he strayed before you or the marriage can heal.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.