Couple shies from sharing facts behind twins’ birth
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are the proud parents of beautiful 4-year-old twins. After years of infertility, we found out that my husband has a low sperm count. Additionally, I have very few eggs. Ultimately, we conceived our miracles with IVF and the help of a sperm donor.
We do not want to keep this a secret from our children. We want them to eventually know, understand and be proud of the journey it took to bring them into this world.
However, my husband and I are very private people. We understand that once the dialogue with our children begins, others will naturally find out.
My husband still feels very uncomfortable discussing his condition. How do we explain to our children, friends and family without becoming the focus of gossip and whispers? — PROUD PARENTS
DEAR PROUD PARENTS: Infertility among couples is no longer a deep, dark or shameful secret, and the fact that you needed help to have your children shouldn’t generate gossip or whispers because, frankly, it isn’t shocking or titillating anymore.
When your children are old enough to be told the facts of life, they can be told that they were conceived through in vitro fertilization. They do not have to be told every detail all at once. When they are older, they may ask questions about why it was necessary — and when they do, their questions should be answered honestly and in an age-appropriate manner.
DEAR ABBY: Last year I started dating the man I thought I would someday marry. We connected instantly and had a deep love for each other. We argued during most of our relationship, but strangely, never stopped feeling the way we did at the start. Our connection was undeniable and our love endless.
One night we got into a heated argument over “inappropriate” emails between him and an ex. The argument escalated and I was arrested. Worse than being in trouble with the law for the first time in my life was losing my other half.
Most people would say, “Walk away; you never belonged together.” But I don’t agree. I have never been in a relationship that had such highs and lows. I miss him and miss sharing my life with him. — CONFUSED AND HEARTBROKEN
DEAR CONFUSED AND HEARTBROKEN: Whether you agree with “most people” or not, the most important person — the man you were involved with — no longer wants to be involved with you. As much as you cared for him, if he was sending “inappropriate” emails to an ex, it appears he was not equally devoted to you. The coup de grace was when you became so violent you were jailed.
You may miss what you thought you had with him, but what you need now is a therapist who can help you understand what a healthy relationship is all about, because this wasn’t one. It’s time to accept that this drama is over, because unless you do, you could be labeled a stalker and find yourself in even more trouble.
DEAR ABBY: I met this guy recently and I guess he’s good-looking enough, but the thing is I really like his teeth. Like really, really like them for some reason. They’re just so perfect, and I like the shape and everything.
The thing is, I’ve never actually paid that much attention to anyone else’s teeth, just his. So does this count as a fetish or not? — AM I WEIRD?
DEAR AM I: No. If the only thing that attracted you about EVERY man you met was his teeth, you might have a tooth fetish. But because it’s only this one set of choppers that turn you on, I wouldn’t call that a fetish.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.