Mt Pleasant News
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Neighbors Growing Together | May 27, 2017

Dear Abby - Abused wife shouldn’t return to abuser

Jan 11, 2017

DEAR ABBY: In the beginning of our marriage there was physical abuse and marital rape. I stayed anyway. Over the years we had two kids. My husband, "Seth," and I don't communicate because he has refused to talk about our issues. During the last few years, my youngest son has also become physically abusive to me.

Last December, because I had a heart attack, I finally moved in with family.

Seth now wants to talk and suggested that I come back home. He has several medical problems, so I was taking care of all the household chores and working two jobs. My kids will not help with the chores unless I scream and yell for hours.

I no longer love my husband. He wants to romance me and try to make me love him again. He is also very controlling. He feels I "owe" him a chance to prove that he loves me and can change. Am I wrong for leaving? -LETTING GO IN FLORIDA

DEAR LETTING GO: You owe this man nothing. If you allow Seth the chance to romance you into coming back to take care of him, you will wind up exactly where you started.

Your son abuses you because that is what he saw his dad doing - and you allowed it. If you stand your ground now, it will show your son that abuse is not to be tolerated.

DEAR ABBY: Four months ago my wife started wearing more makeup and trying new things with her hair. It began after she was promoted. Recently, I found out that someone has been flirting with her.

Our sex life has decreased more and more over the last few months. She barely speaks to me now and spends most of her time on Facebook. She refuses to discuss our relationship, and I suspect she may be looking for someone new or has already found him.

I just don't get it. I love her. We have been married for nine years. -FEELING LONELY

DEAR FEELING LONELY: If you haven't already, tell your wife you have noticed the changes in her behavior and in your level of intimacy, and you miss it. Tell her you love her and feel your marriage is threatened.

If she still doesn't want to discuss your relationship, tell her it's time the two of you go see a marriage therapist together. What you were told may be no more than a flirtation, but if it's more than that, it's better you know now.

DEAR ABBY: Do you field more questions from unmarried couples living together than from married couples? -INQUISITIVE IN VIRGINIA

DEAR INQUISITIVE: I have never broken down the letters into categories like "married" or "cohabiting." Many people live together before marriage today, but eventually progress to formalizing their relationship. Others do not.

Married or not, their relationship questions interest me, or I wouldn't print them.

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