Embracing same-sex marriage may take families some time
DEAR ABBY: Thanks to a change in state law, my partner and I can finally marry. We’re now struggling with whether to invite our parents and families to our wedding. While they have been respectful of us together and seemed to love my partner, it has become increasingly obvious that they don’t want to really talk about our lives. Specifically, our new right to marry.
No one has said a word to us about the marriage law, even though it dominated the news for months before being passed in May. After prompting, they said they support our having the same rights, but have a problem calling us married.
We are going to be married and have decided to invite only those who sincerely support us to share our special day. Because I’m so hurt by their silence on this, how do I tactfully let them know they aren’t invited to the wedding without severing all ties? I’m sure we aren’t the only couple facing this new issue. — NEWLY EQUAL IN MINNESOTA
DEAR NEWLY EQUAL: Invite your family to the wedding. Because they love you and have accepted your partner, they may wish to attend. Remember, the concept of marriage equality is a very new one and not everyone adapts quickly to change. Regardless of whether they have a problem calling you married, the fact is you will be married according to the laws of your state. And that’s what is important.
DEAR ABBY: I started dating a wonderful man two years ago. We will be getting married in a few weeks and own a house together. He has been a wonderful father to my two children. He loves them very much and the feeling is mutual.
From the start, he knew I wanted to have a child with him, and he said he wanted the same. Last spring I became pregnant by accident, but sadly, had a miscarriage a few months later. When I told him I was pregnant, he was not excited and made comments that caused me stress. After the miscarriage, he acted like nothing had happened, which hurt me deeply because I really wanted that baby.
Now he says he doesn’t want a baby anymore—that he has changed his mind without even considering that I still want one. I’m so lost. Please give me some advice. — BABY MAYBE? IN PUERTO RICO
DEAR BABY MAYBE?: You and your fiance appear to have a communication problem. Now that you know he has changed his mind about wanting a child with you, you have a right to know why. Discussing this with the counsel of a neutral mediator would be helpful before your trip to the altar.
Because the agreement between you was that you would be enlarging your family, you may need to rethink whether you want to go through with the wedding. If that’s the case, you may also need the help of an attorney to separate from him financially because you own property together.
DEAR ABBY: In late January, my sister left a $20 bill at the front desk of my hairdresser’s salon and told the receptionist to give it to me when I came in and tell me it was my Christmas present. When I objected to the impersonal manner of the “gift,” my sister got mad and told me I was being “ridiculous.” We haven’t spoken since. Was I wrong to object? —MAD IN MAINE
DEAR MAD: Obviously, you and your sister aren’t close. If she didn’t even bother to enclose the money with a card or note, I don’t blame you for being miffed, particularly if you customarily exchange gifts.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.