Friends urge grandma to let younger grandson be adopted
DEAR ABBY: I’m 62 and own my own home. I have legal guardianship of my eldest grandson, who is 5. Another grandchild is 2 1/2 and in foster care. I would like to keep both children together because I have been told that in the long run it is better so they won’t lose contact with each other.
Some friends of mine have been telling me I should let the little one get adopted through the state in a closed adoption. This is really traumatic for me and I’m not sure what to do.
Please give me some advice. I love both of my grandchildren and want the best for them, now and in the long term. – QUANDRIFIED IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR QUANDRIFIED: Many grandparents raise their grandchildren successfully. If your health is good, and you have a high energy level and relatives who can provide respite when you need it, have both of your grandchildren live with you. If not, you must consider what could happen to them if something should happen to you.
AARP can be a helpful resource. It offers information on a wide variety of issues related to raising grandchildren, financial assistance and advocacy. To find out more, go to www.aarp.org/grandparents.
DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced for about 10 years and have dated far more since my divorce than I did before I married. The marriage ended because my wife was emotionally abusive.
What disturbs me is that somehow I either attract, or am attracted to, emotionally abusive women. They are usually successful, confident, good looking and controlling, and the results are always the same. The relationships don’t last long. How do I stop being attracted to the same type of partner? – REPEATING PATTERNS
DEAR REPEATING: In order to break any cycle, a person needs to understand how the pattern became established in the first place. People are usually attracted to the familiar, and it may have something to do with the dynamics of the family in which you grew up. Ask your doctor for a referral to a psychologist who can help you to understand, so you won’t make the same mistake again. It’s the quickest fix for what ails you.
DEAR ABBY: I take pride in my looks, and when I go to parties, the dresses and accessories I choose. I am often asked where they came from, and I feel the question is rude and inappropriate. Am I being rude to evade the question, or is there a proper response when I’m asked? –TIME AND PLACE
DEAR TIME AND PLACE: When someone asks where you found an item you’re wearing, it is usually intended as a compliment because the person would like to find something similar. If you prefer not to share that information, smile and thank the person for the compliment, then change the subject.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.