Mom is the center of a tug-of-war
DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced five years and have five children, ranging in age from 23 to 8. When I was having trouble with my middle son, "Logan," I found help from his godfather, "Carl." I hadn't seen Carl in years. He was my ex's best friend when Logan was born.
Long story short, Carl and I have been in a committed relationship for two years now. He has been more a part of our lives than my ex has. Four of my kids love Carl, and he is very involved in their lives. Logan, however, hates him and throws a fit if his name is mentioned. I have tried to explain that I didn't intend this to happen, but Logan feels I "took away his godfather from him." Carl is still there for him, but Logan will have none of it and refuses to listen.
Carl and I mainly spend time together on the weekends we don't have our kids, or meet for lunch or breakfast. I'm at a loss. Logan is now 17. I don't want to lose Carl. He's a great man and wants what's best for me and the kids. What should I do? – PULLED IN TWO DIRECTIONS IN CANADA
DEAR PULLED: Logan may be 17, but he is acting like a child. Do not let his behavior discourage you from having a life. In another year he will be 18 – and either concentrating on finishing his education or finding a job.
Logan needs to realize that he hasn't "lost" a godfather, and that everyone may eventually be gaining a stepdad. He also needs to understand that if he can't accept it, he will find himself odd man out in an otherwise healthy, happy and functional family.
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of five years, "Todd," is a daily pot smoker. We met during our senior year of college, and I knew he smoked. I don't use drugs, and I assumed that after college he would grow up. However, it seems unlikely that he will quit, and frankly, I'm sick of it.
I have asked Todd for the last four years to please stop, but he hasn't. He keeps saying he will, but I don't know how much longer I want to wait. I know it's unfair to expect to change someone, but I would not be comfortable getting engaged or married to Todd if he's still getting stoned. I love him. Should I give it more time or move on? – PATIENT GIRLFRIEND IN SAN DIEGO
DEAR GIRLFRIEND: You have been patient enough. If Todd had any intention of quitting, it would have happened already. Four years of procrastination are enough. Because you feel so strongly about this, it's time to move on because your boyfriend is not going to change.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.