Young couple’s intimacy is risky without using birth control
DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend, “Allison,” and I have been in a relationship for two years. We met in our sophomore year of high school and have been dating ever since. We have an incredible relationship.
We were virgins when we started dating, but decided we would lose our virginity to each other. We have always used birth control pills and condoms to ensure we wouldn’t be having any children.
Earlier this month we had a pregnancy scare. Allison had failed to tell me she stopped taking her birth control pills three months ago. My trust was broken, but most of all I was scared she might be pregnant. It turned out she wasn’t, but because of the incident I have been skeptical about making love to her. She says this frustrates her, but I have told her the reason I won’t is because she refuses to take the pill.
Abby, we are way too young to have a child and are totally unprepared. I’d still like to be intimate with Allison, but I’m afraid. What should I do? — BETRAYED IN BANGOR, MAINE
DEAR BETRAYED: You appear to be an intelligent and responsible young man. The first thing you should do is thank your higher power that there wasn’t an “accident” and your girlfriend didn’t become pregnant.
The next thing you should do is find out why Allison would stop taking her birth control pills without telling you. If there was a medical reason, there are other methods she could have used in their place. (If you are planning to attend college, she may have been thinking a baby would “anchor” you to her.)
And last, recognize that if you resume having sex with her — which I emphatically DON’T recommend — that you won’t be able to trust her as far as birth control is concerned, and you will be the one totally responsible for preventing a pregnancy.
The saying, “Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on ME,” applies here.
DEAR ABBY: I would like your opinion on the relatively new craze of trashing the wedding dress. I think it’s a deplorable waste. I’m sorry I kept mine and watched it yellow over the years, but I haven’t heard a reasonable argument for destroying the gown.
Some women say if they have a daughter, she wouldn’t want a dated dress. But if the dress is currently in style, I’m sure some less fortunate girl would love to have it. Rather than trash it, I say why not donate the dress or sell it and send the money to a woman’s charity? — SENSIBLE IN THE SUNSHINE STATE
DEAR SENSIBLE: The only rational reason I can think of for “trashing” a wedding dress would be if the marriage was a disaster and the bride was doing it as a way of venting her anger. I can’t speak for all young women, but I am willing to bet that many would be thrilled to wear the gown their mother wore. And for those who aren’t interested or can’t fit into it, your idea of recycling is compassionate, generous and sensible.
DEAR ABBY: My husband refuses to cover his mouth when he sneezes. He thinks that by “stifling” his sneeze he doesn’t expel any particles. Besides being unhealthy, I feel it is gross for the rest of us. Is it possible to sneeze and not spray? — DUCKING FOR SHELTER IN OHIO
DEAR DUCKING: No. Some sneezes can travel up to a distance of 5 feet, expelling thousands of droplets into the air and onto surfaces. “Stifle” or not, your husband should cover his mouth.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.