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Wash Journal   Fairfield Ledger
Neighbors Growing Together | Jan 19, 2018

Optimistic Rose Bowl predictions

Dec 31, 2015

If you’re going to be a sports fan, you might as well be an optimistic one, especially if your team is doing well. Growing up a Cubs and Hawkeyes fan, I’ve learned that it’s actually better to be optimistic, and set yourself up for disappointment, than be pessimistic and look like a band wagoner when your team wins.

Tomorrow night (Fri.), the Hawkeyes will be in their second Rose Bowl of my lifetime. The first was when I was less than one year old. I don’t remember it very well, but I’m sure I probably cried when we lost.

Well, I’m 25 now. Crying isn’t as accepted, and nobody likes a negative Nancy, so I’ve decided to be as optimistic as humanly possible for this year’s contest. To commemorate my commitment, I’ve decided to make some very optimistic predictions about the big game.

The score: The Iowa Hawkeyes will defeat Stanford tomorrow night, by the score of 63-2. The two Stanford points will come in the fourth quarter, when Hawkeye quarterback C.J. Beathard runs through the wrong end zone to propose to his girlfriend (I assume he’s dating someone), and the Hawks get called for a safety.

The MVPs: Iowa punter Dilllon Kidd, and kicker Marshall Koehn will rush for two touchdowns apiece and win the co-MVP award, as Iowa coach Kirk Ferentz runs trick play after trick play, making Stanford heads spin all night.

The decision: Stanford star running back, Christian McCaffrey, will channel his inner Lebron and completely bail on his team at halftime to join the Hawkeyes. While Stanford coach David Shaw is going over adjustments for the second half, McCaffrey will be sitting in the corner, filling out transfer papers, and sending secret texts to the Hawkeyes’ locker room about his choice to switch teams.

The commercials: There will be no political commercials at all during this year’s Rose Bowl, despite being just one month away from the Iowa Caucus. Instead, there will only be funny Doritos commercials, and ads that feature cute dogs.

The weather: The weather will be sunny and 65 for the fans watching in Pasadena, but even warmer and sunnier for the folks watching in Iowa. A warm front will move through the Midwest, and the first week of January will be the perfect temperature for golfing and having picnics in the park.

The lottery: After the game, local sports editor Andy Krutsinger will take a short nap, only to wake up to the sound of cheering and celebrating from his family. Andy will have bought a lottery ticket before the game, and little to his knowledge, he was in the possession of a multi-million dollar ticket. Andy will invest his winnings in the stock market, and double his money by 2025.

There is really no way to be 100 percent positive that all of these predictions will come true, but chances are at least half of them will. The Rose Bowl will kick off at 4 p.m., tomorrow, and will be broadcast on ESPN.

 

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